Olga Savelyeva: “I always expect the literary riot police to come and expose me”

“Being sincere is actually hard”

Kaliningrad was chosen for the presentation not by chance. Obviously, it is the amber capital of Russia, and where better than here to hold a presentation of a book titled “Amber Bits.” But this is not the main reason. Kaliningrad is Olga Savelyeva's hometown. She lived here until the age of thirteen with her grandparents. After their death, she moved to Moscow to be with her parents. Olga said that Kaliningrad has changed a lot over the years. It's hard for her to recognize the city of her childhood in it. But she still loves the northern European climate, the cold sea, and the capricious weather. That's why the writer plans to move here from Moscow as soon as the opportunity arises.

Olga Savelyeva led the press service at the Federal Agency for Railway Transport for many years. At some point, she developed a strong desire to write texts and convey her thoughts to the audience. So 16 years ago, she started a blog. At the same time, when her first child, son Danya, was born. “I write in my blog every day, every morning. Sometimes two texts a day, sometimes three. Recently, I counted and realized that over the years, I have written about eight thousand texts," said Olga Savelyeva. And that's just for the blog. She also writes books and commissioned texts. Sometimes her subscribers start referring to Olga's texts written several years ago. And she doesn't remember them because it's easy to get lost in such a volume.

— Sometimes I start reading a story, and I like it, it's well written. And then at the end, I see my signature — Olga Savelyeva. I think: how great I was in some 2014. And sometimes I start reading my text and can't remember the ending because I wrote it back in 2009, the writer said.

Now Olga has twelve books, the first of which was published in 2017. In total, more than three hundred thousand copies have been sold. More than 400 thousand people read her on social media. She travels all over the country with speeches, but still doesn't understand how it happened. “I don't know why, but people read me," Savelyeva said. She also added that she has low self-esteem, so she is everywhere haunted by the imposter syndrome. “It seems like it's an accident. So I always expect the literary riot police to come and expose me," the writer noted.

She is surprised that for 16 years now, her blog and books have been read, and the audience is growing. Nevertheless, she guesses why this is happening. “People feel that I write sincerely. I don't have the goal to conquer the world. I set myself another goal — to talk as honestly as possible with my reader. I am as sincere as possible, and being sincere is actually hard," Savelyeva said. She noted that it's difficult to write about yourself when you're doing well, just as it is when you're not. “My inner critic is strongly developed, and my inner praiser is paralyzed," the writer added. But at the same time, she says that you need to have great courage to describe how scary, painful, and bad you feel. And then get up, shake yourself off, and explain why you didn't stay in your “bad” state.

And this is really convincing. For example, now Olga talks a lot about her divorce. She was married for twenty years, and then everything fell apart. “This is a painful topic for anyone. That is, for 20 years you were valuable, and then you became worthless," commented Savelyeva. She said that she didn't understand why people don't voice their problems and grievances, why they make decisions based on “non-communication.” “Often people choose silence as communication. Through silence, they want to take you away from themselves. But for me, communication is words. Words can solve a problem much faster and more effectively. Or at least say that it hurts, so I don't want to talk," shared Olga.

She said that the most traumatic situations of the divorce are already behind her. Now she has learned to live alone and rely only on herself. According to her, she is quite happy in her new status. Although she still calls herself the “ambassador of the family.” “The best thing that ever happened to me is family. And I write about it — about family and love. Including self-love. And sometimes self-love means choosing yourself and going where it's difficult. Because life in general is very difficult. But we can choose which difficulty to deal with now," the writer explained.

Amber bits of time

Olga said that there is practically no break between her books: she finishes one and immediately begins to collect material for another. She has a special file called “Idea Trap.” In it, she writes down various stories and situations that she wants to turn into a story in the future. But the divorce disrupted the established rhythm. “Creativity is my source of energy. And then I was thrown to the side of life. I lacked the resource. I rebuilt myself for a year," the writer said. She added that, despite everything, she wanted to write a book, but everyday life didn't go away, and she had to solve a “million issues” that used to be solved together, and now alone.

“Amber Bits” were written at night. The day was busy with household chores. “If I wrote in a calm environment, with a fresh mind, I would formulate some phrases differently or choose different metaphors. But then I realized that the book was written exactly in the circumstances that were. And this is its value," Olga added. She is generally an adherent of the idea that through texts, you can trace the history of a person's life and his development. To do this, it is enough to compare texts from different periods. And in the case of non-writers, posts on social networks. There you can catch both the mood of the time and the problems that seemed scary or insoluble, and the naivety characteristic of a certain age.

The idea of the collection was formed in Olga from several completely different events. In addition to writing, she is engaged in so-called literary coaching — she helps people at all stages of writing a book not to lose their way. Not to get tired of writing, of the book, and of oneself. And still finish. She noticed several times that when people finish writing a book, they can't let it go. They constantly return, trying to improve and add something. Savelyeva explains this by saying that we are constantly changing. What seemed relevant and interesting six months ago may seem banal. But if you keep evaluating your work, you may never finish it. Therefore, she suggested to her trainees to fix the written book in the “amber of time.” And then collect new thoughts and write another book.

“The image of amber in which the book is frozen is very vivid and truthful. The same goes for important life situations. They happened, and we can't do anything about them," Savelyeva said. She told how at the age of ten she fell from the stage into the orchestra pit. For her, it was “a colossal experience of living through shame.” After that fall, she didn't want to go on stage anymore. But she was drawn to the stage. It was scary. And it was impossible to go back in time and move away from the edge. “You can't say, 'I don't like this Tuesday. Give me another one!' It doesn't happen. There is only this Tuesday, and somehow deal with it," added Olga. Over time, Olga overcame her fear, and this important event for her became a metaphorical amber. To remember.

— These stories led me to the idea that something is constantly happening to us, such situations-amber bits. Sometimes these are global events that are hard to miss. For example, divorce or a pandemic. They change us forever. But it's not always something bad. Success is also an amber bit event. These are situations that divide our life into before and after. But even an ordinary day when nothing global happened changes us. For example, you met an unusual person, heard an interesting phrase, or looked in the mirror and understood something important about yourself. I call such events amber crumbs, the writer explained.

Olga said that our life consists of such ambers and amber crumbs. And we string them on the thread of life, making amber beads. “Amber Bits” consist of such stories that change a person. This is a very personal collection in which Olga talks more about her ambers, the main one of which is divorce. But these are not dramatic situations. Savelyeva has an amazing quality that, incidentally, explains her success with readers. She is able to find optimism where others wouldn't see it even with a magnifying glass. Her optics are set differently than most people. Yes, she also gets hurt and offended, but these traumatic “ambers” become a catalyst for moving forward. Savelyeva takes her reader, puts a thread in his hand, and helps him to sort out the amber and amber crumbs from all the life's debris. And then she strings touching stories on each other, as if saying: “Look how I do it. And you do it like that.”

Ekaterina Petrova — literary critic for Realnoe Vremya online newspaper and host of the Telegram channel Buns with Poppy Seeds